Not helpless. Help is the last thing I would seek right now. I’m all too willing to submit to this feeling. This will be my first time. It’s been years since the seed was planted and first began to germinate. Once the rain hit the first tender leaves, however, the vine hungrily wrapped itself around my mind..my body..my cock..my ass..my self. As I walk through the lobby my heart pounds the perfect, deep rhythm of excitement. I’m not turning back. I’m going to do it tonight. I see them in the booth by the bar. I’ve seen pictures of them and talked to them on the phone three times for about a half an hour each. Yesterday it was as if they came through the phone and into my room. Their voices entered my ear and raced to my toes. I still feel the sensation of their energy inside me. He is 30 years old, 5 years older than me, and his name is Scott. She is 45 but has eyes and an air of calm, soothing confidence that are age-old. Her name is Madame Lisa and she is who I’m here for. Scott is. .. and Debbie. But a straight narrative for a change...It was strange to get on the train back to London and an office that I'd last seen what felt like months ago. Well, it was a lifetime ago, in many ways, given that I'd subsequently lost and buried my long term partner, discovered rather a lot about my sexuality – and my capacity for forming friendships all of my own – plus, of course, gone some considerable way to relocating my life and my work to virtually the middle of nowhere. It had all been a bit of a whirl, I thought, relaxing into the journey with a glass of wine and contemplating the e-mails and texts that I'd accumulated while I'd been effectively incommunicado.Most of which – and the brief conversation I'd had with Seffi while I was waiting for the train – suggested that the turmoil was anything but over. Only this time we should get some sort of final resolution – PCW had made their move a little sooner than we'd expected, but the actual substance was hardly surprising:.
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